Macy the Dog

I never thought I'd get attached to a dog-- I wasn't a dog person after all. I was scared of dogs-- a dog phobic, as some would say. When my roommate, without telling me beforehand, agreed to housesit a friend's dog, I was nervous. I've never had a dog before in my life and my brief encounters when them in the past were not my best memories.

Macy is a 10-year old golden retriever. She is a nice dog-- so polite, well-trained and knows how to make you happy. Whenever I come home, she doesn't bark or growl, but gently paddles up to your legs and gently graze against them. She doesn't jump up (which would have scared me for sure), but simply pants and does one of her toothy grins.

When she first did that, I was scared, but then I realized that the few teeth she had in her jaw were harmless. She is an old dog, so she barely can chew.

She was on a strict dog-food diet-- only 1 cup of dog chow twice a day. Maybe I'm not supposed to do this, but I fed her-- crackers, pretzels, cake, melons... not too much of course, but a taste. I guess that's how Macy and I became great friends.

Macy also enjoyed getting massages. She would come and sit down in front of me and allow me to knead her shoulders. If dogs can purr, Macy would definitely be purring. She always looks so happy.

The cutest thing, however, is how much Macy had come to depend and love me during the short three days that I've gotten to know her. When I close my bedroom door at night, I can hear her clawing and whining outside. "Let me in!" she begs. When I feel the compassion for her and opened the door, she would glide in quickly and simply snuggles at the foot of the bed and put her head down. Looking up at me in her weary eyes, it was almost as if she said, "I just want to be close to you, that's all. I will be quiet and well-behaved."

Macy went home tonight and I actually feel sad. I never thought I'd grow close to a dog! I am very grateful for her; she not only helped me get over dog phobia, but also allowed me to feel the unconditional love that a dog has for his master.

Blog Revival

The last time I had written a post on this particular blog was a few years ago. I remembered a boy was in his hot pursuit of me. He lived in Toronto and I, in NYC. We had never met in person before, but we had been pen pals, emailing each other from beginning to end of summer. By then, he was in love with me and I was confused and wanted to get out.

Every blog post I have written he read slowly and with care. Every sentence I penned, he analyzed between the lines. It was almost as if my blog became a window into my life-- but it was only a glimmer. 

Eventually, I stopped all communication and our relationship ended. A few years later, he's married and we finally meet in Toronto. It was awkward as hell, but it was the closure that both of us needed.

Today, his wife is pregnant and he is about to become a dad.

And that's why, when today, I suddenly have this urge to write- I thought of this blog. As one of my more introspective blogs that I've started, why not revive it? There is no longer any reason to suppress the expression on this blog. 

It's time to open another window into my life. 

A window into my life

I haven't posted in a long time. I think it's a combination of not knowing what to say and not wanting to say what's on my mind. I realize that the purpose of blogs is to write about one's thoughts, post works of art--writings, photographs, videos, or to post about a particular subject that may be interesting to others people. I also know that blogs are public piece of property, which means anyone can view my page or use my writing without my ever knowing their identity. Still, I've found it hard to accept the fact that people I don't know so well browsing my page day to day. It bothers me that they want to know so much about my life and yet, I know nothing of theirs.

I think what really bothers me isn't that they read my blog every day, it's the fact that just because they read my blog and twitter, they think they know what's going on in my life or that they know me well. The truth is-- you don't. How can you claim to be part of a person's life when all you do is read some words on a personal blog? The truth is by the time I post these words on this site, so many things have happened and you are only getting a second account of things. What's valuable is to really be there and experience the things with me--that's how memories are created.

Of course, this begs the question why I blog to begin with. I blog because it offers me a window of release, a chance to say what's on my mind and an opportunity to reconnect with old friends who may want to know what's going on in my life. The difference between this and the previous example is that in this case, friends who are reading the blog know me already in some capacity. Perhaps, we've been living in the same college dorm or that we've traveled together. The second difference is that in addition to your keeping up with my life I also keep up with yours.

There is a balance of interaction. It isn't the case where one person reads up all they can about another person and then never share anything about himself.

I guess I realize I'm not a celebrity and I really don't wish my blog to be treated as one--a window into my life kind of thing. Sure, I go through various forms of shameless social network promotions of myself, but I really believe that a personal blog is to be read by those who care and who knows me on some personal level.

That said, I cannot prevent anyone from coming here accidentally and reading the blog, unless I take the necessary steps and making the blog private, which I have thought about at length. But why the effort to block out a few obsessed people?

Perhaps, this is an unfair analysis of recent events, but this is really how I feel. I'd be lying if I said I'm not creeped out by someone visiting my blog religiously daily just so that someone can feel that he is part of my life. If you want to be part of someone's life, you have to part of it. If not, just move on, please. I abhor stalkers.

2011 New Year Resolutions

It's that time of the year again-- the time where we consciously write down our hopes for the future. It's the time when everyone is optimistic, about the changes they will undergo in their lives in order to feel happy and fulfilled. I love the beginning of anything, because I know that in the beginning, everyone is the same-- it is only as time goes on, some people pulls ahead while others fall behind. In the beginning, we all have equal chances of succeeding, so yep, that's why I always have some form of New Year resolutions.

So, for this year 2011, here are my 5 resolutions!

1. Maintain a healthy lifestyle. For the first time ever, my first resolution is not to lose weight! And that's because I am exactly where I want to be at, except even better. To all those who think that making New year resolution is BS, I assure you that they do work and can change lives. So, for 2011, I just want to stay active, eat healthily, be health conscious, exercise and do activities that I like, for example--
2. Run in the Half Marathon 2011 in March. I'd really like to train for it or at least getting in shape for it. As a ex-Varsity cross country member, I am a little bit ashamed that I have never ran anything more than 5 miles!-- and that was 7 years ago (eeeks!!!) I guess it's one of those things-- if you don't strive to keep it (your health level), you will lose it. I certainly do not want to lose my health level, so it's good to go for it. I just need to draw up some sort of a plan to train. Also, I feel like this used to be a goal I had for myself in college but I've never done anything to realize it.
3. Become more OCD--aka detail oriented. Yea, I know, this is a weird resolution and I think so too. But it has come to my attention that I'm too big picture oriented sometimes that I can be forgetful or negligent of the details. Though I don't approve of actual OCD behaviors, like being really picky all the time, I do think that there are benefits of being careful and detail oriented. 
4. Practice delayed gratification. This is also a little bit weird, because I distinctly remembered that my new year resolution in 2005 was to be more spontaneous and allow myself to enjoy the moment. In this past year, I've found myself that I seem to be too spontaneous and in the moment (?) to the point that I have trouble choosing and focusing on more important agendas. I guess this just shows that being the "perfect" human being means having checks and balances--both delaying gratification (focusing on future) and being spontaneous (enjoying the present) are great traits to have, but it's the idea of choosing the right one at the right time.
5. Become more articulated in writing and speech. I've always admired great speakers and writers. The fact that they can express their thoughts in very few sentences and words show their depth of knowledge. I want to do that. I want to be able to make presentations in front of one person or one thousand people and be able to speak clearly and succinctly. I want to be able to write simply but profoundly, in which my writing can change the lives of people who read it.

<FIN>

Whew, that was fast. Not so difficult, right? Since it's just 5. I've found that the optimal number of New year resolutions is 5. Anything more than that, it's really hard to achieve (let alone remember), but 5 is a good number, because you can count them down on your fingers as you go.

I've also found that if you want to "fulfill" your new year resolutions, then you should put down something broad and general, because then you can be the one to set how stringent your performance can be rated. I've heard the argument that one should put down concrete goals-- I agree. But New Year resolution isn't exactly a goal list (at least not how I see it). I think of resolutions as a personal self-help list... stuff you want to work on continuously. Perhaps, that is one reason why so many people lapse on their new year resolution so soon after the new year. It's because the specific goal they make (i.e. go to the gym every day) feels discouraging since they realize how hard it is to achieve that goal. But if you simply have a general resolution, then as time goes on, you can reformulate specific goals to follow weekly and monthly and perhaps you'd actually get somewhere and not quit so soon.

And last but not least--

Note to my blog readers: To my readers, thank you for having an interest in my life! I'm really surprised each day to check my blog stats and find the steady flow of traffic. I know who some of you are but for many of you ghost readers, won't you introduce yourself and lead me a note from time to time?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! 2011!!!! WOOOO!!!!

Beautiful Tiered-tulled Dresses

Have you seen the the recent BCBG Maxazaria catalog detailing the feminine, tiered tulled dresses? Yep, ever since flipping through that, I just found myself engrossed in that sense of style-- the "feminine shapes, soft hues and luxurious embellishments". I wear a lot of BCBG clothes, mostly because their style and cut are very suitable for my taste and preferences.

Oh guess what? Today, I learned from Urban Dictionary, that BCBG means "Bon Chic Bon Genre", which is a French term meaning good taste or style, referring to clothing.  So does that make me a BCBG girl? :D

Tied-tulled dress from BCBG

More beautiful tiered-tulled dresses:

I wouldn't want my wedding dress to look like, but I do love this dress, because it's very feminine looking and really beautiful.  From Bonny Wedding Dress-- it's a Tulle V Shape Straps with tiered ruffle sequined.

 

I'm not sure how I feel about the half apron on top of the tulled layers, but I like how the model wore it at least. I love the bow at the waist and the exquisite color of the dress.

This dress is from ASOS--it's LUXE Prom Tulle Dress goes for only 75 pounds... good deal!

This is a little bit too pink and too over-the-edge for me to wear on a regular basis, but I like it how it's bold and really catches everyone's attention. 

And this one... is a really sexy way of turning something feminine and soft into sexy and independent!

 

And now, a few impractical but still beautiful tiered tulled dresses  from the runway:

Yea, I just think tied-tulled dresses can be so beautiful (maybe that's why I like ballet so much), but it's also important not to overdo the puffs and ruffles...otherwise, we'll get this. 

The model is beautiful, but the dress reminds me of a fat chicken.

Yes. We Hate Snow When It's Not Christmas.

I wished for a white Christmas and does that happen, no, of course not. Christmas Day was cloudy and gloomy. It wasn't until the next morning did the snow start to fall. What good will that do? The mid-day train back to NYC was crowded as everyone realized that it's get back to the city now or get snowed in forever. The blizzard came down down hard but I managed to get back to my apartment in one piece. Meh. Snow is only good if it's Christmas.

The next morning--today--Monday. Snow = BAD. And what do we get? A LOT of BADness. This is what it looked like for the most part:

 

So, there I am trying to figure out how to get to work-- no bus apparently since that is stuck on the street---

 

Oh! Walking... 

So I trudge along, bracing the cold, but trying to enjoy the view...

of Park Avenue...

Just as I turned around, sliiippppp, SMACK! Down I go. Ouch!

To make it worse, a dude, obviously on his commute as well, passes. Instead of helping me, he looked at me and laughed. Pshhh. Fiinnne. Glad I can provide someone with comic relief on this dismal Monday morning. 

People really need to shovel their sidewalks, because by the time I got to work, I was wet and freezing!

 

Either that, or I need to invest in a nice pair of boots.

I read in the NY Daily News today that we got 18-20 inches of snow. And that a subway carrying passengers was apparently stuck in its path for 6 hours. I am grateful that I'm not there with them, but still, Mr. Snow-- do you have to fall on the days AFTER Christmas and make everyone's life difficult??? Was it so hard to figure out that we really just welcome you on Christmas? Gosh, even Atlanta had snow on Christmas! What's up with that? Geez!

Sunday Reflections: Thought Question #4

 

This weekend I have been in the most pensive moods, especially since Christmas--a holiday typically spent with the entire family is characterized by our spending it separately in two different states and countries. Though we are sometimes the family that lacks tradition and structure in our holiday routines, it's still really hard for me to pass this year's Christmas without feeling a little bit sad and lonely.

In the last three years, my family has traveled together to some random places. Each year, we usually pick a city that we haven't been to. Most recently, it was Lake Ozark, Missouri. Lake Ozark is a beautiful place, complete with lakes, rolling hills and wonderful selection of produce; however, many people ask me, why my family always choose to go to a random place in the middle of nowhere, why not choose somewhere more exciting--like Cancun or the Bahamas? In truth, I think when my family travels together, it's not so much that we want to see the scenery or walk the historical trails, it's more about spending time with each other. 

When we travel, we often take a break from our laptops, work and school. Instead, we spend more time with each other--debating about issues in the economy (yep, nerdy family), arguing about Obama's recent policies and its impact or simply hanging out. My favorite family game is a card game called Sheng Ji. It's a really fun game, though the competitive members of my family tend to take it a little bit too serious at time. The games often take hours at times since no one wants to lose!

At home, even with our living under the same roof, it's seldom that we get to spend more than one hour with each other. There is always something to do, someone to call or some exams to study for and so we often never get the chance to play together, to talk about something, watch a movie... In our busiest time, we often don't even have time to eat together. When we travel, however, we are forced to stay with each other and so we don't choose a really noisy place because we really don't want that to distract us from our family time with each other. :)

As Anthony Brandt quotes, "Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family."