To Forgive Is To Heal

Someone recently asked me if I were someone who trust people and can forgive them when wronged or if I were someone who trust people until they prove me wrong and then I find it hard to trust again. I thought about it and I realized that I am the latter. I realized that I am someone who really trust all people and can easily accept a new person into my inner circle of friends and access to my thoughts, and as a result, I have often been hurt, used or taken advantage of. To protect myself, I'd hold an indefinite grudge against that person. I used to have a personal motto, "I might forgive you, but I don't forget." If someone were to wrong me, I find myself consciously being "careful" around that person and more often than not, I come cold and unapproachable.

I attended the Calvary Baptist Church today and for the first time in a long time, I felt really close to God. Everyone at the church was friendly and they were so enthusiastic about giving praise. Reverend Dave said that God doesn't give us burdens we can't bear, He doesn't expect us to do anything for Him in return for His love, all we need to do is to praise him, worship him and love him. To love someone with all one's heart is to have the ability to put down all anger, resentment and dissatisfaction and allow the purity of love envelope us, and that in itself is real and dependable.

I've been hurt in my life, often by friends who either turned out to be the biggest jerks or those I felt had betrayed my trust. It's hard for me to navigate through these negative emotions. I, too, want to hurt them like they had once hurt me. But in the spirit of Thanksgiving that is rapidly approaching upon us, I am forced to think about what it truly means to forgive someone. In Ephesians 4:31-32, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you", I know that to reach real peace in my heart, I must let go all this hurt and resentment, I must learn how to forgive others, only then can I truly heal.

Living Simply

One of my favorite "stanza" of verses is from Luke 12:22-34, titled "Do Not Worry", NIV. I like it because Jesus spelled it out clearly for us. He tells us that there is no need in worrying about what food we'll eat or clothes we'll wear because God will provide that for us. All we need to do is to live each day glorifying him, being generous to the people around us and God will see to it that we are full and dressed in splendor, (like the crows and lilies, respectively).

v. 25: Who of you can by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
This is so true! I find that as I grow older each day, I start to worry more and more. I worry about everything. My skin-- am I using enough moisturizer? My exams-- will I pass all and receive the necessary certifications? My career-- will I fulfill my dreams? My spouse-- will I find the one? Yet, no matter how I worry there is nothing I can do about anything, other than live each day-- my given 24 hours and hope that tomorrow I can have more answers to my questions. I think that is what Jesus wants for us too. He wants us to live a fulfilled life-one that we can live mindfully and completely invested in what He has to offer to us.

v. 29: And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.
Eating, drinking (and shelter) are necessities to life. If Jesus tells us that we need not to concern ourselves with these necessities, then we shouldn't. I can pinpoint all the times now in my life in which I had worried, stayed up at night, cried over things that all turned out the way it's supposed to in time. Of course, I think *some* Christians don't try very hard in life; they give "everything" to God, literally. They think that if they just bum around, God will give them everything. I think when Jesus tells us not to worry about the necessities in life, he's simply telling us the frame of mind we should endorse--peace in heart-- but by no means is He giving us the green light to just chill out and do nothing.

v.32-33: ...Your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor...
As a businessperson, I've heard this phrase a lot in my life: you must give first in order to get. When a car salesman wants to sell a car in his showroom, he must first give excellent service before he can get the sales. Before an investment banker can close a $1 billion deal, he must first provide information. And even in restaurants, chefs must ensure their patrons eat a delightful and delicious meal before they can get paid for their work. Everything is a give then get relationship so you can see that it even more so needs to be in the Kingdom of God. In fact, God has already promised us his kingdom, he is "pleased" to give that to us. So why be so stingy with our pocketbooks and possessions? Instead, God wants us to sell our things and give to the poor, because what we'll receive in return will greatly surpass what we give.

v. 34: For where your treasure be, your heart will be also.
I love this verse, because it is very true! There were many times when I put my treasure in people and places, only to have my heart broken and torn apart. If I can put my treasure in God's kingdom, I know He will always guard it with love, "where no thief will come near and no moth will destroy."

I think the point of today's devotional is that life is actually very simple. Live each day to the fullest, obey the word of God, do not worry about anything, give back to the people around you and God will provide.

Thank you, God, that you are our great provider. Help us to be content with what we have so that we can give more. Amen.

I miss Him

I don't like to talk to other people about God, because I don't know how. Sometimes I feel like I don't even talk to God enough so it makes me feel weird to talk about Him to other people. It's kind of like the idea of gossiping. If I don't even talk to that person, is it alright for me to talk about that person?

There are so many things I miss about Boston, about MIT. I miss my ABSK brothers and sisters. No, they are not perfect, but when I was with them, I was close to God. Everyday, no matter where I was, what I was doing, God was in my action, in my thought and in my heart. He is real to me and I felt comfort and hope. When God led me away from ABSK and BBC into another state and town, He graciously put me in the presence of a Christian sister who became my roommate and one of my best friends. Through her, He taught me to make faith my own, to not compare other's gifts with my weaknesses, to be happy with who I am. Yet along the way, I lost my way. Away from my Christian brothers and sisters, I don't know how to behave anymore. With no one to set the bar for me, I find myself unsure of what I want and what I should look for in others. I want Him back in my drivers seat and take me where He wants me to go. I want to trust Him to make a masterpiece on my canvas of life. I want Him back in my life. I want peace in my heart. I miss Him.

Inspirational Read

After I read this post, I felt moved. So moved, that I twittered about it. The fact is that what Jaeson experienced, I feel exactly the same way. I went back, reread the post and I felt comfort. Here is the post below, may you feel peace in your heart!

Life isn’t always fair. Seldom does life turn out the way we hope it does. When we are young we have ideals and dreams. We believe anything is possible and the world is our frontier to conquer. As we get older, many of our hopes get dashed, our dreams become forgotten and our expectations are shattered. We can’t predict exactly how life will turn out, not for ourselves or anyone else.

Many people I know are frustrated, discouraged, depressed, hurt or bitter at life. When things in life don’t turn out the way we want them to, it’s easy to get upset and lose trust in ourselves and other people. I’ll be honest, through the years although I’ve had many ups, equally I’ve had just as many downs. I’ve had major disappointments in my relationships, my family, my pursuits and dreams, but what do you make of it all?

This past weekend I decided to take a day out and just “drive”. I have the luxury of being able to live around the most beautiful beaches in the world here in Los Angeles California. I decided I would go and take a Saturday to just drive towards Malibu where there is a 27 mile stretch of gorgeous beaches and coastlands. I wanted to just get a way, get alone with God, pray and spend some time thinking about things I normally don’t get to think about.

Normally, I’m so busy doing projects, meeting with other people, or helping other people that I hardly get any time to think about things that are important to me. We tend to push things that are important to us, or things that are too hurtful to think about, or issues we don’t want to confront deep down into our subconscious. We sort of just keep going and going in life when these issues are just too hard to understand or to deal with.

Well, this weekend I was able to get away and “confront the issues” that have been on my heart. I was going to wrestle with them myself and with God. I ended up finding a random beach café on the coastal highway. I was hoping that somehow God would lead me to a quite destination, some secluded beach where I could walk and talk with God. When I felt this strong leading to make this turn into this small entrance to this beach café, it turned out to be the most beautiful and perfect spot! It was a beach cove, with a secluded and quite beach and I could walk for miles on my own with time to myself.

I ended up spending the day walking the beaches, and pouring out my heart to God. I kept telling him all the different things that I wanted, I desired, things that made me disappointed, personal struggles, people who hurt me, and dreams that were dashed. I also shared with Him my hopes, my plans and my deepest wants that not anyone knows of… it was great to just get it out. We need to do that sometimes, just let go and let God take our burdens, we may not find the answers but just knowing that He hears and that He cares is enough.

When I started my walk on the beach my heart was heavy, burdened and weighed down. I didn’t even really know why, but past issues, pains, and hurts just began to surface. I wept, I laughed, I cried, I screamed, I sang, I was still before God and in the end I knew He heard me.

I came to my own peace with God and myself. If I never saw the desires of my heart fulfilled, if I never got those things in life that I really wanted, if things never did turn out the way I would like to have planned, if my hopes and dreams were never realized, I would be okay. Not because I want to be defeated, but because indeed just knowing God, and having a relationship with Him was more than enough. I only asked God for one thing, “Wash me clean of my sins and keep me faithful to the end!” When I die, I only ask that I die with one thing in my heart and that is… integrity.

God bless,
Jaeson Ma

Ambitious Sunday

Sunday is my second favorite day of the week. After a fun filled Saturday, I'm usually feeling energetic and well rested by Sunday. Before the panic mode kicks in, I'm usually feeling quite good and positive. After all, Sunday morning is the time when I feel the most ambitious. That's why I'm glad that church services are usually scheduled on Sunday morning. By going to church or spending some time on devotional, it makes me feel like I'm starting my week off on the right foot!

From today's devotion:

The Lord said, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart."

-Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)

It's comforting to know that God has a purpose for me and that I don't need to worry so much about the future but to focus on living in the present.

What We Least Expect

Peter said [to the man], "I have no silver or gold, but what I have I give you; in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, stand up and walk."

-Acts 3:6 (NRSV)

In today's reading from Acts chapter three, the beggar who was laid at the temple gate thought his greatest need was money. He had been crippled since birth and had no way to earn income for life's necessities. Consequently, he had begged for money.

Had Peter and John given the man money, his immediate need would have been met, but his life would not have changed. The next day he would have been back at the gate again, begging. Instead, Peter looked at the man's greater need -- his need for physical and spiritual healing. The beggar left the gate that day a changed man, praising God. He could walk! He received not what he asked for but what he needed.

Like many people, I struggle and work hard daily to reach my goals, often times walking blindly toward nothing. There were many things that I thought I "needed" but truth is often times when I actually get it, I realize I actually "need" something else. That is human nature. Today's devotion made me reflect on the wonderful phenomenon that I don't necessarily need to figure out everything myself but to trust that God will be there to guide me and to lead me, and all I need to do is to trust Him to give me what I need.

Dear Father, thank you for meeting our deep needs, even when what comes to us is not what we expected. Amen.