A window into my life

I haven't posted in a long time. I think it's a combination of not knowing what to say and not wanting to say what's on my mind. I realize that the purpose of blogs is to write about one's thoughts, post works of art--writings, photographs, videos, or to post about a particular subject that may be interesting to others people. I also know that blogs are public piece of property, which means anyone can view my page or use my writing without my ever knowing their identity. Still, I've found it hard to accept the fact that people I don't know so well browsing my page day to day. It bothers me that they want to know so much about my life and yet, I know nothing of theirs.

I think what really bothers me isn't that they read my blog every day, it's the fact that just because they read my blog and twitter, they think they know what's going on in my life or that they know me well. The truth is-- you don't. How can you claim to be part of a person's life when all you do is read some words on a personal blog? The truth is by the time I post these words on this site, so many things have happened and you are only getting a second account of things. What's valuable is to really be there and experience the things with me--that's how memories are created.

Of course, this begs the question why I blog to begin with. I blog because it offers me a window of release, a chance to say what's on my mind and an opportunity to reconnect with old friends who may want to know what's going on in my life. The difference between this and the previous example is that in this case, friends who are reading the blog know me already in some capacity. Perhaps, we've been living in the same college dorm or that we've traveled together. The second difference is that in addition to your keeping up with my life I also keep up with yours.

There is a balance of interaction. It isn't the case where one person reads up all they can about another person and then never share anything about himself.

I guess I realize I'm not a celebrity and I really don't wish my blog to be treated as one--a window into my life kind of thing. Sure, I go through various forms of shameless social network promotions of myself, but I really believe that a personal blog is to be read by those who care and who knows me on some personal level.

That said, I cannot prevent anyone from coming here accidentally and reading the blog, unless I take the necessary steps and making the blog private, which I have thought about at length. But why the effort to block out a few obsessed people?

Perhaps, this is an unfair analysis of recent events, but this is really how I feel. I'd be lying if I said I'm not creeped out by someone visiting my blog religiously daily just so that someone can feel that he is part of my life. If you want to be part of someone's life, you have to part of it. If not, just move on, please. I abhor stalkers.

2011 New Year Resolutions

It's that time of the year again-- the time where we consciously write down our hopes for the future. It's the time when everyone is optimistic, about the changes they will undergo in their lives in order to feel happy and fulfilled. I love the beginning of anything, because I know that in the beginning, everyone is the same-- it is only as time goes on, some people pulls ahead while others fall behind. In the beginning, we all have equal chances of succeeding, so yep, that's why I always have some form of New Year resolutions.

So, for this year 2011, here are my 5 resolutions!

1. Maintain a healthy lifestyle. For the first time ever, my first resolution is not to lose weight! And that's because I am exactly where I want to be at, except even better. To all those who think that making New year resolution is BS, I assure you that they do work and can change lives. So, for 2011, I just want to stay active, eat healthily, be health conscious, exercise and do activities that I like, for example--
2. Run in the Half Marathon 2011 in March. I'd really like to train for it or at least getting in shape for it. As a ex-Varsity cross country member, I am a little bit ashamed that I have never ran anything more than 5 miles!-- and that was 7 years ago (eeeks!!!) I guess it's one of those things-- if you don't strive to keep it (your health level), you will lose it. I certainly do not want to lose my health level, so it's good to go for it. I just need to draw up some sort of a plan to train. Also, I feel like this used to be a goal I had for myself in college but I've never done anything to realize it.
3. Become more OCD--aka detail oriented. Yea, I know, this is a weird resolution and I think so too. But it has come to my attention that I'm too big picture oriented sometimes that I can be forgetful or negligent of the details. Though I don't approve of actual OCD behaviors, like being really picky all the time, I do think that there are benefits of being careful and detail oriented. 
4. Practice delayed gratification. This is also a little bit weird, because I distinctly remembered that my new year resolution in 2005 was to be more spontaneous and allow myself to enjoy the moment. In this past year, I've found myself that I seem to be too spontaneous and in the moment (?) to the point that I have trouble choosing and focusing on more important agendas. I guess this just shows that being the "perfect" human being means having checks and balances--both delaying gratification (focusing on future) and being spontaneous (enjoying the present) are great traits to have, but it's the idea of choosing the right one at the right time.
5. Become more articulated in writing and speech. I've always admired great speakers and writers. The fact that they can express their thoughts in very few sentences and words show their depth of knowledge. I want to do that. I want to be able to make presentations in front of one person or one thousand people and be able to speak clearly and succinctly. I want to be able to write simply but profoundly, in which my writing can change the lives of people who read it.

<FIN>

Whew, that was fast. Not so difficult, right? Since it's just 5. I've found that the optimal number of New year resolutions is 5. Anything more than that, it's really hard to achieve (let alone remember), but 5 is a good number, because you can count them down on your fingers as you go.

I've also found that if you want to "fulfill" your new year resolutions, then you should put down something broad and general, because then you can be the one to set how stringent your performance can be rated. I've heard the argument that one should put down concrete goals-- I agree. But New Year resolution isn't exactly a goal list (at least not how I see it). I think of resolutions as a personal self-help list... stuff you want to work on continuously. Perhaps, that is one reason why so many people lapse on their new year resolution so soon after the new year. It's because the specific goal they make (i.e. go to the gym every day) feels discouraging since they realize how hard it is to achieve that goal. But if you simply have a general resolution, then as time goes on, you can reformulate specific goals to follow weekly and monthly and perhaps you'd actually get somewhere and not quit so soon.

And last but not least--

Note to my blog readers: To my readers, thank you for having an interest in my life! I'm really surprised each day to check my blog stats and find the steady flow of traffic. I know who some of you are but for many of you ghost readers, won't you introduce yourself and lead me a note from time to time?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! 2011!!!! WOOOO!!!!