Someone recently asked me if I were someone who trust people and can forgive them when wronged or if I were someone who trust people until they prove me wrong and then I find it hard to trust again. I thought about it and I realized that I am the latter. I realized that I am someone who really trust all people and can easily accept a new person into my inner circle of friends and access to my thoughts, and as a result, I have often been hurt, used or taken advantage of. To protect myself, I'd hold an indefinite grudge against that person. I used to have a personal motto, "I might forgive you, but I don't forget." If someone were to wrong me, I find myself consciously being "careful" around that person and more often than not, I come cold and unapproachable.
I attended the Calvary Baptist Church today and for the first time in a long time, I felt really close to God. Everyone at the church was friendly and they were so enthusiastic about giving praise. Reverend Dave said that God doesn't give us burdens we can't bear, He doesn't expect us to do anything for Him in return for His love, all we need to do is to praise him, worship him and love him. To love someone with all one's heart is to have the ability to put down all anger, resentment and dissatisfaction and allow the purity of love envelope us, and that in itself is real and dependable.
I've been hurt in my life, often by friends who either turned out to be the biggest jerks or those I felt had betrayed my trust. It's hard for me to navigate through these negative emotions. I, too, want to hurt them like they had once hurt me. But in the spirit of Thanksgiving that is rapidly approaching upon us, I am forced to think about what it truly means to forgive someone. In Ephesians 4:31-32, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you", I know that to reach real peace in my heart, I must let go all this hurt and resentment, I must learn how to forgive others, only then can I truly heal.